To Everything, Turn, Turn, Turn

I have decided I like the way we now refer to the different times in our lives as ‘seasons.’ I don't remember hearing this used in this way until the last few years. Somehow, the word ‘seasons’ seems softer, gentler, easier to handle perhaps than a 'phase' or a 'stage.' That’s why you go through a season when your children go to school, you struggle with an illness, or you need to deal with aging parents, but your teenagers are going through a STAGE. As a musician, I can easily think of concert or performance seasons when I hear the word, and that is always a positive. Seasons, too, are by definition relatively short periods of time. Of course, also by definition, they are going to come around again.

I have often defined my life as moving from one big event to another, and I’m sure many of you feel the same way. What is this mysterious feeling we get that has us both awaiting the next event with great anticipation and grieving the ending of the last event – or season? Why is it that we are either desperately longing for change or mourning the change upon us?
We wouldn’t want to live in the honeymoon stage of our marriages for a lifetime. Morrow and I would still be eating pan-fried SPAM and Beanie-Weenies, for goodness’ sake! We wouldn’t want our children to remain adorable toddlers. Remember that ‘season’ of several years when you either hired a sitter or you didn’t go out to eat-- or anywhere else much, for that matter? Remember when you worked so hard with your children to teach them to speak clearly and understand directions and write their name? Remember how proud and pleased we were when they said “thank you” and “please”? Why does it hurt so much to see them grow up while it at once thrills us to know they are becoming successful, contributing members of society?

I’ve been pondering this a lot lately. Our older daughter is happily involved already in her sophomore year of college. Our younger daughter is very involved in multiple school, sports and church activities, and a good deal of our time with her involves text messages communication or our cheering her on from the stands. We have a lot of quiet evenings at home now, as we watch our children function positively without us. We still contribute to their lives, of course, and I don’t just mean financially. It is touching when they do have to call on us for help or advice. I think one thing that makes it such an interesting season for me is that, aside from the arthritis and general age-related things that cause my body to feel ancient (and I won’t even mention hot flashes), I really don’t feel any older than my daughters are now. I remember being that age, so how in the world could the babies I carried and bore be this old?

And where does that leave me now? What does a mom do with herself when her children become independent? Well, I’ve said this before, but I remind myself of it regularly: If I believe that God is sovereign (and I do), then I cannot doubt His sovereignty when circumstances seem unclear. I had a confirmation just yesterday that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing, right now in my life—just as something I wished I were doing and dearly want to do is not available to me right now. No doubts. I will proceed with JOY and FAITH in His sovereignty and His guidance in the lives of my family and in my life and in every SEASON.

Follow-up to "The Child Wants What the Child Wants"

Imagine my surprise when I found this story when msn.com came up on my computer this morning. I don't even regularly visit msn.com, but here you go--- a story that backs-up my most recent post.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/family-parenting/article.aspx?cp-documentid=29737154>1=32050

The Child Wants What the Child Wants

I know I have borrowed and altered a quote by Woody Allen. It seems appropriate, though, since his statement, "The heart wants what the heart wants" was spoken in defense of his relationship with Mia Farrow's adopted daughter. Using the "I want" defense is childish and selfish. Have you caught any of the TLC reality show "Toddlers and Tiaras"? As horrible as I find it, I have to admit that it will draw me in if I happen to click by when I have time to pause. I love the idea of children finding areas in life in which they are successful and have a group of identity that helps them develop social skills, but toddler beauty pageants are a long way from T-Ball, Little League and youth orchestra. I'm struck by two aspects of the show: the fact that the parents (mostly mothers) keep saying the children WANT to do this, and the way the parents allow these children to treat them. Let's assume the 2-7 year-old has a genuine desire to do these pageants. Do we always permit or make it possible for our children to do what they WANT to do? Wouldn't most of them choose to eat chocolate candy or chips for every meal? Would we let them run into traffic to pick up something shiny in the street? Would we let them pet a strange dog? Do we give in when they pitch a tantrum because we won't or cannot afford to buy them what they believe is their heart's desire? Of course we don't, so don't try to convince me that because they may say they want to do pageants, it is a good thing for them to do.

I'm concerned about the adults these horrible little people will become. Based on what I've seen of the TLC show, these terrible toddlers sass, boss, and speak disrespectfully to their parents and elders. They are regularly bribed with all sorts of "gifts" to "perform" for the judges, and are allowed to cry and pout or have a tantrum if they don't win the ultimate crown - not to be at all confused with the crown they did win or the crown they receive for showing up.

At least when watching this show, I can say a prayer of thanks that we were able to do the hard work and say no to our children when what "the child wanted" was not something they needed - at least some of the time.

While I'm at it, let's all give a big cheer for "Kate Plus Eight"'s termination. Speaking of selfish.....

I See London, I See France, I Shouldn't See Your Underpants

Call me a prude, old-fashioned, ultra-conservative, or merely classy, but I don't believe underwear is appropriate visible attire in public. I don't care if your bra is cute, color-coordinated, or making a statement, it isn't attractive or respectable to have your bra straps showing. If you want to wear that strapless dress or halter top, or if your tank cuts in past where the straps go, get a strapless bra. Similarly, if you insist on wearing those very low-cut jeans, keep in mind that when you even THINK about bending forward, your bottom- at least a portion of it- is exposed. It is an unfortunate happenstance in the world of fashion that thong panties became popular just as jeans became 'low-rise,' and we've all had to endure dinner out while trying to ignore the tops of thongs peeking out above someone's jeans. Again, we do not want to see your underwear!

I have a firm rule when I'm advising students as to appropriate attire: We should not wonder if you're wearing underwear, we should not have to wonder if you're wearing underwear, and we should not be forced to look at your underwear. I don't know what's worse- seeing someone's thong when they bend over, or seeing their exposed buttocks and having to wonder WHERE the underwear is! These rules apply to men as well, as far as respectable folks are concerned. Please, people, keep your foundational clothing where it belongs- UNDER your clothing, in a supportive role.

Technology is our friend

I love technology. I love the look of it, the feel of it, and the cool things it can do. I love having technology even if I don't use it. I own a MacBook Pro, an iPad, and an iPod. I not a technology geek, however, and until last winter, would have put myself in the nominally proficient category. Last winter is when my husband went from full-time work on a Tennessee Walking Horse farm to a job with a company that required him to use a computer. When he graduated from college with a business degree, his computer work had been done in one class, on MS Dos. He had worked at companies in sales but only used their business programs. He had been out of the regular business world for almost ten years! He could surf the internet on my laptop, and spent many an hour going through gun sites and watching clips of old westerns on YouTube, but he did not know how to check email, create a document, create a folder, search for anything stored on the computer, etc. I never realized how much I knew about computers until I began to show him how to use Word and Excel and Outlook. In the beginning, he would get confused very easily. If it didn't look exactly the same, he couldn't figure out what to do. I would show him, and he would say, "How did you know how to do that?"

Nothing is so frustrating as having wonderful technology and it not work for you. My siblings and I went together to get my mom a Nook for Mother's Day this year. She and my dad were about to take a trip to Germany and a cruise down the Rein, and we thought mom, an avid reader, would enjoy having several books at her fingertips without having to pack actual volumes. Unfortunately, the experience turned into an awkward and frustrating event. Mom, unlike me, does not love technology. She retired from teaching after 30 years but before computers were a staple of the classroom. She does not surf the web. She does not check or send email. She was frustrated by what seemed to us very simple and obvious and user-friendly technology.

After I spent an afternoon setting it up for her, she was able to download some books and ended up rather enjoying the experience. Dad told me today that he has read a couple of books on the Nook. Tonight, we spent another frustrating 10 or so minutes trying to peruse the ebook website via the Nook. Finally, I gave up and went to the laptop, where we could view the entire screen. This worked wonderfully, but I left them with the task of waiting for the downloads to complete and then transferring the new purchases to the Nook via the USB cord. This is a new thing, and I'm not sure how it will go. I promised to return tomorrow if need be.

For now, we'll have to be satisfied that she enjoys it when it is set up for her. So when is technology NOT a helpful tool? When you can't work it, that's when!

Getting Started

I set up my first blog when I accompanied Alabama music students to Europe on the Alabama Ambassadors of Music Tour in the summer of 2009. The idea was to keep parents and friends informed of our activities and adventures while away for almost three weeks. I abandoned the project when we found access to WiFi in Europe to be difficult to obtain and expensive. I will say, however, that I did rather enjoy the few postings I was able to make before we left, and I think the parents enjoyed reading them.

Lately, I have found myself becoming more interested in returning (beginning, really) to the blog process. It will likely be only for my own edification and clarification, as I am one of those personality types who solves problems and reasons through situations by "talking" it out.

This week finds me enjoying my last three days of summer vacation before returning to ASFA on Thursday for professional development. It promises to be an interesting year. We have a new executive director of the school, and the music department has a new full-time faculty member. We will have more music students than we have since my first two years at ASFA, and though we are short on space, I am looking forward to it.

It really feels as if I am entering what some would call a new 'season' in my life. The girls are both quite independent, and the house is often quiet. I miss them sometimes, but I am glad they are happy and busy and accomplishing things. Morrow's new job is still offering challenges and new opportunities, and he is enjoying it very much. I am involved in a ladies' Bible study that I enjoy, and I am continuing to grow and enjoy teaching our Sunday School class. If I had the extra money, I think this would be the time for me to pursue that doctorate. Hmmmm..