The Child Wants What the Child Wants

I know I have borrowed and altered a quote by Woody Allen. It seems appropriate, though, since his statement, "The heart wants what the heart wants" was spoken in defense of his relationship with Mia Farrow's adopted daughter. Using the "I want" defense is childish and selfish. Have you caught any of the TLC reality show "Toddlers and Tiaras"? As horrible as I find it, I have to admit that it will draw me in if I happen to click by when I have time to pause. I love the idea of children finding areas in life in which they are successful and have a group of identity that helps them develop social skills, but toddler beauty pageants are a long way from T-Ball, Little League and youth orchestra. I'm struck by two aspects of the show: the fact that the parents (mostly mothers) keep saying the children WANT to do this, and the way the parents allow these children to treat them. Let's assume the 2-7 year-old has a genuine desire to do these pageants. Do we always permit or make it possible for our children to do what they WANT to do? Wouldn't most of them choose to eat chocolate candy or chips for every meal? Would we let them run into traffic to pick up something shiny in the street? Would we let them pet a strange dog? Do we give in when they pitch a tantrum because we won't or cannot afford to buy them what they believe is their heart's desire? Of course we don't, so don't try to convince me that because they may say they want to do pageants, it is a good thing for them to do.

I'm concerned about the adults these horrible little people will become. Based on what I've seen of the TLC show, these terrible toddlers sass, boss, and speak disrespectfully to their parents and elders. They are regularly bribed with all sorts of "gifts" to "perform" for the judges, and are allowed to cry and pout or have a tantrum if they don't win the ultimate crown - not to be at all confused with the crown they did win or the crown they receive for showing up.

At least when watching this show, I can say a prayer of thanks that we were able to do the hard work and say no to our children when what "the child wanted" was not something they needed - at least some of the time.

While I'm at it, let's all give a big cheer for "Kate Plus Eight"'s termination. Speaking of selfish.....